Nature of Man
… nothing that happens to Man is ever natural

4 February 2005, Friday

MTV music vs metal music

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mordred @ 19:53

The reason for this post actually has nothing to do with my nonexistent feelings towards MTV, I’m just laying a basis for another analysis which I don’t have time for right now. Besides, I like to rant :)

Here’s what you need to succeed in the metal music industry. I think this also aplies to music for any smaller scale audience. Also, I’m not talking Metallica or Limp Bizkit here. Think rather Opeth, Ayreon, Dimmu Borgir (successful samples in different non-massively-popular subgenres). Okay, okay, here’s the list:

  • A good composer
  • Some good musicians
  • Singer(s) with good voice(s)
  • Luck (to get noticed)
  • Some money to get started

Here’s what you need to create a successful pop star:

  • Tons of money
  • Any girl, boy, transgendered, etc…

All other factors have no impact on pop music!

Composer: any tune will do, even random keystrokes on the synth (Brittney Spears, that ’song’ with digits in the name). Also works to ‘borrow’ a tune from the ’60s, ’70s or ’80s. The fans will like anything that runs on MTV, and for that you only need money.

Musicians: nope, just software.

Voice: nope, just software filters and/or 10+ attempts at the studio. When going on a tour use playback or realtime pitch adjusting. (Madonna in the pre-Evita period, JLo)

Looks: plastic surgery is getting better and cheaper (if you don’t overdo it). Makeup is surely a must.

Money: trucks in, ships out.

And before flaming me that any bozo can grunt like an animal, let me tell you that metal is not only grunting, grunting is not a thing that can be done properly by anyone, and anyone who can’t bear the grunting, can at least hear the awesome composing job (Dimmu Borgir - Fear And Wonder [intro] (3MB))

But I must agree, most metal guys do look ridiculous.

No Comments »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a comment

Powered by WordPress